• 31 December 2019

A Tribute to Mary Coles

It was with immense sadness that we learned of the death of our dear friend and colleague, Mary Coles, on 20 December, following a short illness. We extend our deepest sympathies to Mary’s husband Derek, her son, Simon, daughter Sarah and their families.

An intensely private person, Mary’s funeral has taken place quietly in accordance with her wishes, but we are grateful to Bishop Harold for the tribute below which expresses so much of what we loved about Mary and will miss for many months to come.

A Tribute to Mary Coles

Mary Coles first joined the Down and Dromore team as an administrator in the ‘Think Again’ programme. I have to say that she was a great ‘find’. From the day and hour she arrived, Mary was greatly loved by all, and she greatly loved her job – so much in fact that it was hard to get her to go home on time. I often went into her office and sang that wee song from Andy Pandy: “Time to go home, time to go home”, but she hated to leave anything unfinished.

For the last years of her work (I would say ‘ministry’) she was my PA. Someone recently told me of an interview for a PA in which the applicants were asked the question: ‘What is   the difference between a secretary and an PA?’. The answer they gave was ‘A secretary is focussed on the tasks to be done, but a PA is focussed on the person’. We didn’t ever need to ask Mary that question, because she was quite simply one of the most loyal and devoted servants a bishop could ever ask for. She was a kind of ‘guardian angel’, hovering around without ever imposing herself, always there, always a step ahead. Even when she fell ill, Mary was focussed on how to make my farewell at Down Cathedral run smoothly and well. She was coming up to retirement but really wanted to see in the new bishop, and was thrilled to hear of the appointment of David McClay. We all wanted her to be there to celebrate her 20 years with the diocese of Down and Dromore, but it wasn’t to be.

One of the things I really liked about Mary was that she was as straight as a die. She was warm, welcoming, quiet and relational on the phone and in person, but she missed nothing! So many people felt they knew Mary simply from her phone ‘presence’ which was kind and caring. But she was also efficient and strong minded and could be firm when she had to be – even with the bishop!

Perhaps the most common question Mary asked me was: ‘Bishop (which she always insisted on calling me!), did you read to the end of that email?’ Usually that meant that I had missed something vital, because I had only read enough to get an answer! In so doing, she often rescued me from embarrassing or difficult situations. I do not think it is an exaggeration to say that I could not have exercised the latter years of my episcopal ministry without Mary Coles at my side.

Let me suggest a list of phrases which I would associate with Mary: quiet presence; strong convictions; utterly reliable; deep river; misses nothing; caring; always there, forgets nothing; organisational skill; loyal friend; loved by all; thoughtful and reflective. Others will want to add their own.

The most common thing said about Mary is that she lived her life for everyone else. Her family and her work were the two ‘centres’ of her life, and her family and work colleagues were the beneficiaries of her utter selflessness.

Ministering to Mary in her weakness in those last weeks and days was a real privilege. I do not think I will ever forget the day we shared in holy communion together, rejoicing in the presence and the love of the One in whom she trusted. I was reminded that the Son of God comes to us most powerfully in our vulnerability and helplessness, and I saw Mary’s humble presence receive his humble presence. It reminded me of the last verse of a not–very–well–known Christmas hymn:

            Though now no crib or cradle is concealing

            Jesus our Lord in that far distant shrine;

            Christ at each eucharist is still revealing

            His very self in form of bread and wine.

That was true that day.

Mary,

 –you are greatly missed.

 –you have been taken from us so quickly that we haven’t had time to say ‘Goodbye’.

 –you will never know how much you were loved and valued by us.

but, even as we grieve. you are hearing the voice of your Saviour and Lord who has prepared a place for you.

Here is his promise:

            See, the home of God is among mortals.

            He will dwell with them as their God.

            They will be his people and God himself will be with them.

            He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

            Death will be no more, mourning and crying and pain will be no more,

                        for the first things have passed away.

            See, I am making everything new.

Thank you, Mary, for being you. We now entrust you to him who has called you, and said ‘time to go home’ to your eternal rest.

Harold Miller